It should be easy

A few weeks ago, I attended a yoga class taught by my friend Robyn. It was a stressful day, but as soon as I set foot in the studio I felt better. Maybe it was the incense, the soft music playing in the background, and the generally peaceful atmosphere a yoga class creates... but moreso than that, I think I was comforted just by virtue of knowing I was doing something good for myself. Certainly the surroundings made it easier to relax, but maybe it was my conscious intention to set that time aside for myself that allowed me to access that elusive inner peace.

I often wonder if integrating some kind of regular spiritual practice into my life would be good for me. Times like that yoga class remind me of how lovely it feels to return to that peaceful place. The most natural choice for me would be someplace like Sat Yoga, the center I attended in Costa Rica: weekly group meditations and discussions led by a teacher. Every place is different, and I definitely did not resonate with all of the teachings I encountered there, but I think at the time I had it in my head that I HAD to integrate those teachings to achieve enlightenment... ugh, I hate that word. Let's just say peace and happiness. That's all I want. Anyway, I thought that if only I could get past my own resistance, clear up my confusion, and make myself understand, surely I would experience these states of mind everyone there raved about.

More and more, I realize how poorly this way of thinking serves me. I suppose part of my hesitancy to join a Buddhist center in Florida stems from the fear that I have to put forth all kinds of effort to access these teachings. I did visit a Tibetan Buddhist temple in Delray recently, armed, of course, with my usual lofty expectations of wisdom to be gained. I thought that if I was going, it must be meant to be, and that I would definitely vibe with this place. Silly, huh? I didn't end up vibing with it at all. They were pretty traditional: chanting, prostrations, and recitation of sutras. Growing up in a fully Western, fully areligious household, I don't think I'll ever get used to stuff like that. And I shouldn't have to!

But again, I had set a clear intention: I wanted to learn something from that experience, and learn I did. But that wisdom didn't come from anything that was said during the lecture, which flew a little over my head, it came from myself: I learned that I don't have to TRY to accept anything I don't vibe with right away. It should be easy. I guess the overachiever in me is ready to accept any amount of hard work to get somewhere, but if one is to take solace in a spiritual practice, it should be the exact opposite. Isn't my whole purpose in pursuing a spiritual path to relieve myself of burdens? It seems so duh now: the practice itself shouldn't create the worry that I "just wasn't ready" or make me feel bad that I wasn't as ascended as the people around me... and thus burden me more.

Why seek out a spiritual community in the first place? For someone like me, who's so big on self-reliance and trusting my own inner guide, is it necessary? Maybe not, but I want to find the right one for a couple reasons, and they're pretty simple: I love learning. I love intellectual discussions with people who are interested in the same things as me. And I love the sense of groundedness that comes with routine.

So I'll do it. That was easy.